words as photographs

something remains hidden. I see it, sometimes taste it, rarely but most especially, feel it burning in my face. but you take it away, hide it behind provocations and dangerous eyes above lascivious smiles. the hunt continues.

one foot in comfort, the other in strangeness. the undertow threatens to slam me against the shores of this new found land, but I stand ready-steady. I look into the green and while lost there, I try to reconcile how something so new can at times feel so familiar. the smile almost hurts. almost. the sass.

EM THIW EMOC IT ROP ODRA AJGF

two weeks later and I'm flying again, jumping cities to get to you. drowsy I look down the window. it's daytime, but the experience reminds me of Prague at night. of descending into a mysterious weekend, all nerves and excitement. I feel the same. walking down the Parque Del Buen Retiro, missing you and feeling connected to everything, dragging such a profound sense of contentment, the near reality seems to warp around me a carpet of clouds covers Düsseldorf. we begin descent, I feel it in my ears. diving and dying a little, to fall again inside those dangerous eyes. no more distance. I'm here.

You're still in the meadow, still smiling. I'm standing in front of You, but I'm carrying a serious countenance, heart all roar and thunder. with Your eyes You ask Me what's wrong. I point to my chest. in it You see a million colours contorting with themselves, struggling to form something clear. But as soon as You start glimpsing a definitive figure, they change again. You smile intrigued and look Me dead in the eye. we stay like this for what feels like two, maybe three eternities. the colours quieten and coalesce into an arrow shaped figure, pointing to You. I follow it, hungry for You, hungry for You, Anna.

winter fades before a late March sun. thick clouds in heavy skies have dissipated to small puffs of white in a perfect blue sky. you're sitting in a meadow, smiling that big smile of yours topped by brightly lit, fiery emeralds. ideas and plans spinning in your head, I can almost hear them clicking into place. I look at you from a distance, and smile and let go whatever I'm holding, and start walking to you, steps accelerating to the beat of my heart.

the crisp morning air caresses her face. in the pit of her stomach there's a duel between nervousness and excitement. she's ready to step forward and shine brightly, unleashing all that preparation like so many arrows being fired by the Huntress. sharp, she smiles, eager to get it done and done well. in the distance she sees smoke, she knows her scoundrel is up to no good, setting fire at the edges of what she sees. she'll get to him soon enough. after. now she smiles more and the room is lit.

when we talk we subtract time, when we flirt we subtract inhibition, when we plan we subtract distance so that when we meet we add colour, when we touch we add charge, when we kiss we add bliss

I eat You swallow I ravage You rake I lust You take I hunger You feed I rock You roll I push You pull I bounce You throw I pump You get I lose You give I gain You exhaust I burn You glow I freeze You moan I scream You smile We come again We start again

my exhausted body remembers yours and there's an ache and an yearning. my eyes seek the green where they swam and there's longing. my mouth begins to whisper to you but there's silence. and yet, this Anna shaped space is suffused with a tremendous energy, a seemingly perpetual motion inside a golden bliss

cool tiled floor under naked feet and you can't see my fingers brushing your skin ever so slightly as my lips almost touch the side of your ear sensing me moving away so that in the distance anticipation wells up in the pit of your stomach as I come back again and water drops make shivers detonate the desire that my tongue hurries to follow and nest below and inside you. more.

Drunk. Dizzy. Displaced. Remembering your smell nested in mine. A spasm. A shiver. A shake. Your tongue parading round my neck, your hand caressing my hair. A feral grin. An endless sigh. A divine hard on. Wanting to kiss. To get drunk in the green of your eyes sustaining me into the next wave. I look at you. I crash into your warm shores. I'm adrift. I miss you. I seek you.

there a presence in the darkness, but it's not scaring you. there's a warmth next to you, holding you close. there's life in the flesh and the sinew, in the hair and to the bone. there's a light in the eye and a glint in the smile, even though nothing can be seen. you breathe in, you breathe out, and you breathe in and you breathe out heavier this time, and I feel you there, sliding happily into slumber, my heart roaring.

From months, to month, to days. I hurry to see you, to talk to you, to touch you, to feel you. These are now outside of the realm of anxious possibility and inside the realm of future reality, right where they belong.

Your upside down face framed in cool, cold blue and my back stiffens, the hairs in the back of my neck rise, my mouth dries. I try to whisper something to the photograph. And I do. And nothing happens. And I look at the clock. And nothing happens. And time passes. And something will happen. And we know it.

I'm here early and alone looking at the water and thinking of you. There's warmth in my face and I don't know if it's the sun or the memory of your laughter still rocking between my ears. Two out of three will be here, and many others, our sisters and brothers, but that does not make this whole.  Still there's a joy in the longing. Someone great is missing.

zipping down the mountain, a dark spot moving fast amidst the white, the sound of snow being quickly ground, the only "next one to three seconds" mattering. all other internal dials and levers set to "not care". unburdened, risen high on the wave of adrenaline. sharp, cold intakes of oxygen, a brain thrumming with activity, a body relaxed, a spirit laughing, all centred in one thing: " how fast can I go with perfect balance? "