words as photographs

I worked out yesterday. And what difference it has made in my mood. I feel like I put in work to benefit me alone. It has a nice feeling of selfishness to it, in the sense that I prioritised myself for something that is healthy and beneficial. Today I feel better equipped for bracing the day. I should have started the work day sooner, however I opted to look into articles about maintaining good posture and what kinds of work outs I can do indoors. Yes, I am distracting myself, but urging me towards a direction of health and happiness, instead of isolation and imagination through video games. Now that I'm feeling more rested, the plan is to build on that and improve my physical condition quite a bit so that I can recover quicker from the very demanding times ahead. It would also be nice to build up to a point I'd be able to do handstand push ups. To work.

What the hell, my mind keeps slipping away to fantasy games and character builds. I'm so tired of it, because it naturally goes there, but I don't have the time nor the inclination to pursue it outside of work. What's the point then? I'm just escaping this crap. It merely occurs while I'm working, as a kind of "try to get away" feeling. A constant lure, because I don't want to face work itself. But that is odd, because there's a part of me that appreciates the work when I am engaged with it. It seems that by working, I feel insecure because I start becoming all too aware of how distant I am, and how late and how ineffective. I might not be running away from boredom, but from fear. Yet, by giving in to that fear, I only make it more powerful. I must persevere through the discomfort.