processing the exit conditions, day one

A very long and restful sleep. A slow morning. The return to work. A concern about the little one. The intention to leave the channel open for the little one. Why are the little ones paying for the sins of their parents? Interlinked. A concern about leaving the channel open and whatever darkness from there might come.

A package in the mail. High Impact Delivery of Tenderness. Saudades. A surprise that must be kept hidden. Optimism towards tomorrow. You allow for optimism. Enough of this sentimentalist stuff. There's work to be done.

It's really difficult to feel all this and not engage in it, not create something with it. It's supremely difficult to focus at home, more so with all this inside of me. I must find an escape. There has to be way to channel what I feel somewhere so I can function.

I'm still tired and under slept.

Exit condition a) I can function during a work day, normally.
Exit condition b) work does not ramp up my anxiety
Exit condition c) I can exercise a lot more self control regarding the sequence of tasks in my day. I plan something. I carry it out.

This involves work.

I have dinner with mom and my two best friends and my god-daughter. I tell everything. My heart cleanses.

My final exit condition: to certain pictures and certain songs my feelings will be void of hurt and tinged with a sad, but profound appreciation of what was lived with her.