Christmas Eve and a Place Where Stability Isn't Boring
Everything is dead silent.
I'm still here trying to survive this crap. I think I've adapted to being home faster than the last time. It helps to walk into town.
Anna is on holidays with her friend. As I expected, communication has dropped to minimal, rushed and of not very good quality. This time I am not banking on it for comfort, so I don't feel unsupported. But it is off-putting and creates some resentment.
The work I intended to do yesterday has gone nowhere. The lack of stimuli, the discomfort of the place I am working in, the lack of contact with other people, these things make me medicate with Internet. I just lose myself in the digital world with absolutely useless bullshit. I have to escape these conditions, because I don't have enough willpower to turn it around. I have to be smarter and partner up with stimulating people so I stay motivated and on point.
I'm not big into New Year's resolutions but next year I do need to follow through with a direction and the effort necessary to both earn enough money to maintain or improve my standard of living, and to be stimulated and motivated. I'll have to follow my gut feeling and work hard to change things around.
The things I want. To live in a good house, in a safe neighbourhood, in a well connected place with access to culture. To have enough money to travel. To be able to care for me and Anna and potentially our children.
A place where stability isn't boring.
I'm still here trying to survive this crap. I think I've adapted to being home faster than the last time. It helps to walk into town.
Anna is on holidays with her friend. As I expected, communication has dropped to minimal, rushed and of not very good quality. This time I am not banking on it for comfort, so I don't feel unsupported. But it is off-putting and creates some resentment.
The work I intended to do yesterday has gone nowhere. The lack of stimuli, the discomfort of the place I am working in, the lack of contact with other people, these things make me medicate with Internet. I just lose myself in the digital world with absolutely useless bullshit. I have to escape these conditions, because I don't have enough willpower to turn it around. I have to be smarter and partner up with stimulating people so I stay motivated and on point.
I'm not big into New Year's resolutions but next year I do need to follow through with a direction and the effort necessary to both earn enough money to maintain or improve my standard of living, and to be stimulated and motivated. I'll have to follow my gut feeling and work hard to change things around.
The things I want. To live in a good house, in a safe neighbourhood, in a well connected place with access to culture. To have enough money to travel. To be able to care for me and Anna and potentially our children.
A place where stability isn't boring.