Introspection, check, check, one, two
I'm back. And what to talk about?
This is yet another experiment in order to get me going. To get me motivated. I have ten minutes to write about the fuck I want. I plan to do this every weekday, before work starts. Hopefully, the pressure to be engaged will unlock my mind from the stupor caused by my demotivation.
This has been going for a long time. I thought at first to start a new blog, detailing the pivoting of my life onwards to a different career track.
Nowadays I'm not so sure. Again I feel like I'm down a path that's hard to step away from. I have to follow through and live out my choices, and make better on them.
I'm very demotivated with work. It feels very lonely, very boring, very lacking. I've resolved the problems I could resolve and the deficiencies I know find are touching points about myself I can't really change. Or don't want to. I don't want to be the person grabbing others for attention. I like to be doing my own thing and let that speak for itself. But working remotely makes that very difficult to succeed.
I'm not changing job straight away, because between Anna and I, I have enough flexibility to allow her to apply for the jobs she wants, and I can then look into stuff for myself. Right now, between the two of us, I have the stability to keep things running smoothly. Once she finds her thing, I can look into more pronounced measures in order to improve my satisfaction at work. Ideally, I'll change to a job with better prospects towards the future, and that allows me to be fully engaged with a team of people whom I respect as professionals.
So today, I'll work on my very late assignments. Today I intend to actively minimise how much I procrastinate, and do more to ease my load, ease my stress. I know that by taking more pressure off my back, I'll be even more lacking in motivation.
But I must move into that space first, before I'm able to start drawing motivation from more worthwhile pursuits.
This is yet another experiment in order to get me going. To get me motivated. I have ten minutes to write about the fuck I want. I plan to do this every weekday, before work starts. Hopefully, the pressure to be engaged will unlock my mind from the stupor caused by my demotivation.
This has been going for a long time. I thought at first to start a new blog, detailing the pivoting of my life onwards to a different career track.
Nowadays I'm not so sure. Again I feel like I'm down a path that's hard to step away from. I have to follow through and live out my choices, and make better on them.
I'm very demotivated with work. It feels very lonely, very boring, very lacking. I've resolved the problems I could resolve and the deficiencies I know find are touching points about myself I can't really change. Or don't want to. I don't want to be the person grabbing others for attention. I like to be doing my own thing and let that speak for itself. But working remotely makes that very difficult to succeed.
I'm not changing job straight away, because between Anna and I, I have enough flexibility to allow her to apply for the jobs she wants, and I can then look into stuff for myself. Right now, between the two of us, I have the stability to keep things running smoothly. Once she finds her thing, I can look into more pronounced measures in order to improve my satisfaction at work. Ideally, I'll change to a job with better prospects towards the future, and that allows me to be fully engaged with a team of people whom I respect as professionals.
So today, I'll work on my very late assignments. Today I intend to actively minimise how much I procrastinate, and do more to ease my load, ease my stress. I know that by taking more pressure off my back, I'll be even more lacking in motivation.
But I must move into that space first, before I'm able to start drawing motivation from more worthwhile pursuits.