Emotions 26-Oct-2023

Really difficult to remain focused when I am alone. Also, and this is very important, see, is that when I work alone, it is really easy to believe the noise inside my head. There's no one to challenge it.

I thought I was much better and much more deserving than I really am. I think I should be a much harder worker, when in fact my performance is below my standard. And yet, with a little effort it seems to shoot well above that standard, as I will quickly drop what I'm doing and reward myself with foolish distractions.

I am accepting being foolish.

Concentration is a lot like holding whatever I'm focusing on inside a bowl in my mind. Everytime I get interrupted, the bowl shakes and the contents spill out. I then have to spend some effort putting them back in.

I also feel the bowl is cracked, and a lot of my focus slips through the cracks.